Social Media Psychology 101

Social Media has been the biggest innovation in communications we've seen in the last 50 years, allowing us to keep in touch with old friends, share information with loved ones and build a sense of community in an otherwise fragmented world. It has also turned us into the biggest group of narcissistic, whiney, pathological liars this planet has ever seen. Fair trade, I guess.

The truth is that we have always been this way, we just lacked the proper outlet to showcase our various personality flaws. And just like we can identify certain personality type patterns in a the good ol' psychology text book, if you look closely enough,  an unmistakable pattern in social media personality types begins to emerge. Now, I've seen these types of lists before but there a few that I've seen consistently left out that deserve a little attention. Let's discuss.

Social Media Personality Types:

The Social Socrates

If classical greek philosophers spent their time trying to figure out how to explain metaphysical pluralism in 140 characters or less, this guy would have it down. Now, I'm not saying that the social media world is not a perfect place to have these types of conversations (I engage in them myself) only that a common observation I've made is that, "The Social Socrates" doesn't seem to be able to have these types of conversations anywhere BUT Facebook. And I ask, why?

The Social Elitist

We all like to think that offering our time and friendship is valuable. Unfortunately, this person thinks that their friendship is a gift to the $*%Y*# world. Oh, No! You are cleaning out your friends list?!?! I pray to GOD that I make the cut!

You'll be able to identify this self-loving person easily. Simply send them a friend request on Facebook and if it takes two months to get approved, you've successfully spotted The Social Elitist. Careful not to feed them. It's best to just walk away. 

The Social Hipster

The group is rampant on Twitter. Why? Because more people are on Facebook. Plus, Twitter gives them the perfect platform to create short, condescending posts about obscure bands and bad restaurants. Now, many Social Hipsters are migrating towards Instagram but are encountering the challenge of how to exclude others through photography.

The Social Seductress 

This person really doesn't have much to say. She isn't overly funny, knowledgable about interesting facts and her life isn't exactly full of excitement. She is, however, hot. Probably the biggest asset you can have in generating attention online. All posts are plagued with innuendo, subtle hints and obscure references. Of course, with the growing popularity of the "selfie," many Social Seductresses are turning to Instagram as well. You can spot this chick by photo angle preferences and the fact that despite the time it took to pull up the app camera, position the phone and snap a photo of herself, she still manages to look surprised. 

The Social Downer

Look, we all have bad days. But if every party has a pooper, Zuckerberg himself must have added this person to the guest list. The Social Downer feels that every personal detail of every bad thing that happens to them, should be shared online. This is not only depressing to their entire network but bad for "likes." It creates that awkward situation where nobody knows how to respond. Lesson: Some things are best kept off of social media.